Solace
by NaijaChiqa
Summary: SethMarissa... Seth and Marissa find comfort in a new and unforseen place. COMPLETE
1. 1

I own nothing.

A/N: I recently joked about Seth and Marissa being together but, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I actually think he'd be good for her

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"Hey," Marissa said, opening the door.  
  
Seth peered in. "Is my granddad around?"  
  
Marissa shook her head and moved aside. "They've gone out to dinner. Mom says not 'to wait up,'" she replied, rolling her eyes.  
  
Seth stepped into the dimly lit hallway and sighed. He never would have guessed it would come to this.  
  
He wasn't stupid - he'd expected his life to change when he returned from his three day trip to Catalina but didn't quite anticipate just how much. Other than practically being forced by his father to work at a homeless shelter to "appreciate the lives real runaways lead," Summer had pretty much dumped him. She argued that if he'd loved her as much as he claimed, he wouldn't have ditched her like that. She even accused him of loving Ryan more. In response, Seth had stupidly vocalized his suspicions that she was merely projecting her abandonment issues on him and that just about pushed a nail into the coffin. Desperate, he turned to her best friend for advice.  
  
Marissa had been a little surprised to receive that first call as they hadn't really been friends but welcomed it because he was a link to her old life with Ryan. She knew he probably didn't realize it, but she could see the influence Ryan had had on him. Other than the behavioral changes like learning to think before he spoke, Seth had adopted some of Ryan's habits like, for example, playing with his elbows whenever he felt nervous. And Marissa loved how it looked on him. Hanging out with him made her feel like her preferred self - the one she was with Ryan.  
  
What started off as infrequent phone calls grew into almost daily lunches at the Crab Shack and weekends spent together, holed up in the theater, throwing popcorn at each other. It had begun as Marissa acting as a liaison between him and Summer but their relationship took a turn when they started sharing anecdotes about the guy they both hopelessly needed. They didn't expect to have much to say to one another outside of that topic, but were both grateful to find someone who understood what they were going through. Marissa would hang on his word as he recounted something Ryan did while they hung out together, while Seth would smile as she recollected something cute or romantic. In a way, they both felt they were getting to know Ryan more intimately because they'd become privy to a side they hadn't previously been exposed to.  
  
Marissa took his hand and led him down the expensive but tastefully decorated hallway.   
  
"Would you like something to drink?" she asked, turning around.  
  
Her eyes and teeth shone in the darkness and not for the first time, Seth wondered how he'd lived next to her for most of his life and never realized how pretty she was. He'd always been attracted to short, curvy brunettes but in a matter of weeks, he'd somehow acquired a taste for tall, thin blonde girls.   
  
"Sure. What do you have?"

She shrugged. "Pretty much anything you want."

"How about something with a kick?" he asked hopefully. He didn't want her to think he needed alcohol to relax, but he really needed something to calm his nerves - his legs were about to give way. Irritated, he slapped himself. He had no reason to feel that way after all, he actually had every right to be there. When Marissa had informed him that Summer was seeing someone new, he refused to believe it till, one evening, as he passed by the Crab Shack, he caught sight of her leaning into a blonde muscle head. He was still mad and trying to figure out if he could get over her when Marissa kissed him.  
  
Marissa never thought she'd be attracted to Seth Cohen and in fact, she really wasn't. He was skinny, talkative and geeky and the combination of all three was hardly something she lusted after. But on that warm summer night, his hurt, his anger, even the way he coiled his fist, was just so Ryan that she didn't know what to do with herself. That was exactly who Ryan was when she'd been friends with Oliver and even though she knew those were their worst times together, she still thought of them fondly. How couldn't she? She loved every single minute she spent with that boy. But that evening, she'd managed to keep herself together till Seth shrugged and gave her that look. That one look. The Ryan-I'm-so-tortured-I-don't-know-what-to-do glance that she simply couldn't get out her system. It wasn't really her fault; could anyone really blame her for losing her senses?  
  
"What would you like?" she asked, walking behind the bar. She'd put some ice-cubes in a glass and was reaching into the cabinet that housed all the liquor.   
  
"Whatever you want."  
  
She skimmed his skinny frame, grabbed the Bacardi, then added some juice to it - she figured he was a lightweight and preferred that he wasn't drunk. She poured herself some Jack Daniels and walked back into the hallway. She glanced back when she realized he hadn't moved.  
  
"Seth, come on," she beckoned, her head bent sideways.

He stood up and followed her to her bedroom.


	2. 2

I don't own any of the characters.  
  
A/N: This was written as a one-shot but when some people asked for an update I tried to read it from a reader's perspective and I guess I ended it at a bad place. I'm afraid that this is going to be a raunchy fic.   
  
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He quite enjoyed the pain that shot through him after her knee jabbed into his thigh. She was kneeling on the seat, her head bent over, pulling off her top with his assistance. He hungrily kissed her one more time before he dragged the annoying fabric over her head. He cupped her breasts through soft blue cotton before he undid the hook between them. He loved that she always wore her 'easy access bras' when she was meeting him as he was yet to master the art of suave bra removal. He let his mouth wander where the clasp had lain before he moved his lips across the gently sloping flesh. He'd always considered himself a breast man, but he quite liked that Marissa was so petite.  
  
Her back was beginning to kill her. Making out in the back of the car was so last century, but after getting caught in the park that other evening, they'd decided to play it safe. She moaned. Oh, how she loved the way he suckled her. It hadn't always been that way. At first she had to teach him. She understood that he'd only been with one woman but after making out with someone like Ryan, someone who was so instinctive he'd managed to find the right rhythm with her in a matter of minutes, kissing Seth was as much fun as mowing the lawn. But he was an eager pupil and even though he couldn't quite master the tongue-lip-tongue Ryan thing that drove her crazy, she quite enjoyed his teeth-upper lip-tongue thing.  
  
Seth pushed his back against the door and pulled Marissa so that her head was now laying on the seat. She smiled as he pulled down her skirt. With his eyes barely open, he bent over and kissed her hollow belly. Sometimes, his head fit in perfectly. He nuzzled her navel and heard her giggle. Was it odd that he enjoyed knowing she could smile? He often wondered what was going on in her mind. She was his age but sometimes she seemed so much older. She almost always had that faraway look in her eyes, like someone who had accepted her fate on earth but longed for anything else. And he wanted to find out what it was, what was keeping her from happiness so that he could understand her better and maybe help her. But he couldn't. Not after what she'd said to him a few weeks earlier. Not after he'd heard that it was all about 'fucking' and they shouldn't get 'attached.' Not that he'd _actually _expected it to be more, after all, he still loved Summer, but hearing the actual words just made him feel cheap. And used. So he stopped calling her. Till today.  
  
Marissa's fingers disappeared as she ran them through his hair. It was amazing that a boy with such full-bodied and strong hair could be so puny. Seth was slowly moving his teeth down her belly and she knew he was about to kiss her through her panties, like he usually did, but fuck that, the car was too cramped for some long overdrawn foreplay. She'd tried to get the Jeep like she usually did, but by the time Seth called, Caleb's chauffeur had already locked the garage and she didn't want to ask her mother's husband for the keys. She was already getting sick of him. If she didn't have an escape, she was sure she'd have thrown a fit. They'd started talking about therapy again and she was tired of people trying to project their insecurities and issues on her. And then there was Ryan. Their long marathon conversations had dwindled to daily five minute calls. She knew she was in denial, she knew she wasn't his anymore but just for those five minutes, it felt great to pretend he was. And Seth wasn't a bad substitute for the time in between.  
  
Seth's head jerked up when Marissa tugged his hair. He'd been with her enough times to understand that signal. He moved his body till he was hovering over her and waited till she took off his belt and unzipped his pants. He didn't know what it was exactly, but that always seemed to excite her. Summer had been different - she always preferred he took off his own underwear, something he never quite understood but accepted. But lately, Seth had wondered how much of him Summer really liked. And if she'd ever really cared. But most importantly, he hated how much influence she had over him. There he was, lying on top of Marissa, going against his word to stay away from her, just because he'd seen his ex in town kissing that blonde jock. And he knew she saw him too because she'd given him a slow smile then kissed her blonde moron. And he'd just stared at them like a fool. A damn stupid fool. And when he'd called Ryan to talk to him about it, hoping to offload on him and get some advice, all he'd gotten were stories about pregnancy and gaining weight and how Chino had begun to feel like home again. Seth's life showed no signs of going back to normal --to something that made sense -- that he needed the only good thing that become familiar to him.  
  
Seth reached for the backpack that was sitting in the driver's seat and pulled out the little square packet.  
  
"Hurry up! It's almost midnight and Caleb and Mom are enforcing their retarded curfew."  
  
Seth read the clock on the dashboard. That gave them 43 minutes to get her home. Seth handed it to her and when she'd put it on him and he'd buried his head in her neck, he wondered if Blondie had noticed the two little moles on Summer's left shoulder.  
  
As Marissa ran her fingers over Seth's naked back, she glanced at the clock and realized that she had 12 hours and 13 minutes till Ryan's next call. 


	3. 3

Thanks for the reviews. I do not own any of the characters.

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He slid into the car and kissed Marissa on the lips. Lately he'd felt really guilty. He was still very mad at Summer for picking that moron over him but he wondered if he was in a position to talk. Yes, she'd dumped him first but was it right to enjoy being with another woman when his heart clearly belonged to her?   
  
It had been one of those days -her mother was bugging her again, Kaitlin was being a bitch and all her boy-crazy friends were just so juvenile and annoying. She'd already secured the keys to the jeep before she called Seth- she wasn't taking any chances this time. She'd packed a picnic basket and knew the perfect secluded spot. Heck, maybe they could reenact that scene from nine and a half weeks… if she should manage to stuff that much food down her throat.  
  
She was wearing the tiniest skirt he'd ever seen and he just wanted to reach across and touch her supple skin. She noticed him staring and after seeing that twinkle in her eye, he knew it was okay. Sometimes, with her, he didn't quite know what was going on. On some days, she could be the sweetest person he'd ever met and on others, she could be downright mean. So he'd pretty much learned how to gauge the waters so as not to upset her. They'd never actually had a fight -as they weren't even a couple - but sometimes, Seth wished that they talked more -just like they did in the early days. He knew he didn't have a right to, but he wished sex wasn't their only form of communication.  
  
She felt his hand slide toward her inner thigh and she smiled - she really did enjoy his touch. There was something childlike about the way he caressed her skin that she found quite adorable. Ryan was mostly gentle but was always in control but with Seth, there was always a little bit of the unexpected. Not that she enjoyed the moments he dug into her skin a little too deeply, but overall, she enjoyed the feel of his fingers.  
  
Seth inched closer so that he wouldn't have to stretch his hand so far but as he was about to touch the seam of her underwear, Marissa's knee jerked up and hit him.  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
She mocked-frowned at him. "Hey, I'm driving. What's the police report going to say when they interview us after the accident?"  
  
"That we were having a little fun?"  
  
She giggled and turned her eyes back to the road. He was still nursing his hand when she quietly said, "Seth, I didn't say you should stop.".   
  
He was about to put his palm back on her when she added, "Just stay away from the interesting parts."  
  
He groaned. "What's the fun in that?" He lightly touched her knee then let his fingers travel further down her leg till he felt some roughness. At the same time, her leg moved uncomfortably.  
  
"What's that?" he asked, referring to the uneven skin. He took his hand back and stared at the leg covered with tiny scars - scars he'd never seen before. When she didn't reply, he repeated his question.  
  
"It's nothing, Seth."  
  
"No, it's something Marissa. What's that? Did you fall and hurt yourself?"  
  
She shook her head. "No. When I get nervous, I scratch." She showed him her longish nails. "I guess that's another reason I should keep my nails short, huh?" she continued, trying to make a light of it, but Seth was worried.  
  
"Why are you so nervous? Is everything okay at home? Or it is something else?"  
  
No and Yes she didn't want to say. Of course everything wasn't okay at home - and it never will, not with Caleb as her stepfather, but that wasn't what was really bugging her. She couldn't say that even though she loved talking to Ryan, she didn't like the new-daddy version of him and that scared her shitless. It made her feel shallow and immature and forced her to hold on to her memories even tighter because a future with him now seemed unlikely. She couldn't tell him that she felt like a fool for not fighting hard enough for what could have been the greatest love of her life and as time passed by, and the more she thought about it, she felt that it may never have been reciprocated in the first place. If it had, it wouldn't have been so easy for Theresa to come between them. She'd begun to question their relationship and wondered if all she'd ever been was a warm body to him. After all, she and Ryan hadn't talked any more than she and Seth did. Maybe it wasn't that Ryan didn't say much but that he just didn't have much to say to her. And if he wasn't who she thought he was, what would that make her?  
  
Seth looked at her and watched her do that _thing_. She probably didn't realize it but she was a terrible actress. She always tried to mask her feelings but instead, only managed to reveal them all. She was so different from Summer, who had no problems expressing the way she felt, but on days like this, he somehow found Marissa's inner torment appealing because it made her seem that much more mysterious. Or maybe it wasn't that at all but that it fed into his masculine need to solve her problems.  
  
"I packed some strawberries. And some chocolate," she said with a glint in her eye.   
  
He suspected that the casualness of their relationship had stripped all shyness away from them. Sometimes, it almost felt like they were experimenting so that they could write their own version of the Karma Sutra. As she drove out of the city and the smells of the ocean became stronger, Seth wondered if it would hurt if just for one night, all they did was spend the night talking about what made her scratch her legs raw.


	4. 4

I still own nothing.

Thanks for the reviews. I apologize for the delay.

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Marissa slid into the booth, placed her bag on the table, sat back and folded her arms. "What's up?" she asked. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and although her eyes were hidden behind the dark sunglasses, he could bet her face was completely devoid of make-up because she wasn't even wearing her usual coat of lip gloss. Her nose looked slightly pink and puffy and Seth wondered what kind of week she'd had.   
  
"Seth, I know you didn't ask me here to just stare at me. What's going on?" It was around 11am on a Saturday morning so he knew that he was cutting into her sleep time. She was wearing a sweat suit and if he didn't know better, he would have guessed that she'd spent the better part of an hour on a jogging trail.   
  
"This and that," he said not quite sure he still had the guts to speak those words that needed to be said. She looked so fragile and not quite put together that he decided he'd save the news for a time she could take it. Even the favor he needed from her would have to wait. Right then, he just wanted to be a friend and be there for her.   
  
She noticed him watching her so she turned her face away. She wasn't stupid. She knew why he'd called and just wished he'd get it over and done with. It's not like she didn't know that the day would come. But could it have come at a worse time? She reached across the table and picked up his glass of orange juice. "I hope you don't mind," she said, not letting him respond before she took a gulp. It had pulp, just like he liked it and she played around with the tiny pieces before she swallowed them.  
  
"Marissa, is everything okay?"  
  
She was never really one to open up but right then, he could tell there was something bubbling underneath the surface that she wanted, no, needed, to get out. He wanted her to know that no matter what, she could always rely on him, but he didn't know how to say it, not when he knew what he'd have to tell her afterwards. Instead, he reached across the table and slipped a reassuring hand over hers.   
  
She pushed it away then placed her hand on her lap. She wasn't in the mood for any stupid intimate gestures that were supposed to make her feel better. Where had he been when she needed him?  
  
"I called you yesterday," she accused.  
  
Guilt ridden, he averted his eyes. "I'm sorry, I couldn't get to the phone."  
  
"I left you a message." She wasn't going to let him off so easy. Who did he think he was and why did he think he could just dismiss her so easily? After all they'd been through together?   
  
"I know. I returned your call. That's why I wanted us to meet."  
  
"Yeah? I also called you on Thursday. How come you waited till today?"  
  
"I've been really busy."  
  
"I bet you have." Marissa noticed that he'd begun to play with his hands -he was obviously uncomfortable but she wasn't ready to let him off the hook - the little weasel didn't deserve it. "I guess you've finally figured out that I'm a fool. Huh?"   
  
"Whoa! Where did that come from?"   
  
She rolled her eyes.   
  
"Don't be silly," he continued. "Of course you aren't – why would you even say something like that?"  
  
"Because I shouldn't have come. You don't answer my calls but when you call me, I come running. Just like a fool. It's so stupid."  
  
She was even more depressed that he'd ever imagined, so, he got off his seat, sat next to her then put his arm around her. How odd was it that when she finally needed him, he didn't have much to offer? But he was going to give her the most he could. He sighed. "O.K Marissa, what's going on? Is it something at home?"  
  
"Like you care," she sulked. Her voice had begun to shake and Seth knew that if she wasn't wearing those shades, he have been able to see the tears brimming in her eyes.   
  
"Would you like to order?" the waitress interrupted. Marissa picked up the menu, skimmed it, but before she could say anything, the waitress volunteered, "Black coffee and a blueberry muffin?"  
  
Marissa smiled and nodded. It was a little amusing – she'd never figured herself for so predictable. But there she was, such a freaking enigma that even the waitress she could see right through her.  
  
A few minutes later, as she stirred in two packets of _Sweet and Low_ into her cup, she murmured, "8 pounds and 4 ounces."  
  
Seth nodded. "Yeah, my parents told me. Christina – that's a nice name." Was that what had gotten her so upset? He'd expected that she'd already come to terms with it, but he could see that the birth of the child had caused some additional pain.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"At least, he didn't call her Clarissa."  
  
"Sorry?"   
  
She looked up at him, seeming a million miles away and Seth realized the inappropriateness of his comment. "I apologize, lame joke."  
  
"Whatever, Seth. So Ryan's a Dad."  
  
"Is he?"  
  
Marissa raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"No, I mean really? Is he her dad? It looks like he's conveniently forgotten that it could be Eddie's."  
  
Not saying a word, she smirked as she sipped her steaming coffee.   
  
"What?" Seth asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Come on, spit it out. What?"  
  
She smacked her lips then reached into her bag for her tube of Chapstick and smeared it liberally on them. When she saw that Seth was still waiting for a response, she said, "Am I allowed to say anything? After all, it's all my fault."  
  
"What shit are you spewing now?" He sighed. It looked like Marissa had really begun to lose it.   
  
"Puh-lease, it's my fault – you said it last year," she replied matter-of-factly. "What did you say again? Something about if not for all my bullshit, Ryan would never have slept with Theresa. If he hadn't slept with her, he'd never have been a candidate to play Daddy. Duh."  
  
"Marissa, you know I didn't mean it. I was just very angry when I said that."  
  
"So what? That doesn't mean what you said wasn't true. Besides, we are most honest when we are mad."  
  
"Marissa…."  
  
"No… it's okay. Let's talk about something else." She cleared her throat. "What did you want to talk to me about?"  
  
It would have been the perfect time to say it if he'd been a little bit more heartless. "I just wanted to talk to you. It's been a while. I missed hearing your voice."  
  
"We spoke on Monday. Besides, you're lying, Seth." She knew him well enough to tell. It wasn't really a particular telltale sign like a twitching eye or a quivering lip; it was just the fake demeanor he adopted. Plus it wasn't like she wasn't already privy to the information he'd apparently decided against disclosing to her.   
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Whatever. So… how are your parents doing? Have they seen the baby yet?"  
  
"They are going to see her this evening. I was supposed to go but I don't think I can," he replied solemnly.  
  
She understood. "I feel your pain. I think seeing her perfect little fingers and toes will make it more real or something."  
  
"Yeah. But the weirdest thing is my parents are pretty excited. Excited about a teenage boy having a kid." He shrugged. "I know, it makes no sense, but when last did they ever do anything that seemed normal?"  
  
She laughed. "Your parents are cool. Do you know what my parents are doing?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Fucking. Each other"  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"You heard me." She was inspecting her muffin again, trying to pretend that her revelation had meant nothing.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I don't want to get into any details but I saw them. It's just plain bizarro. My mom's a slut, so we know there's nothing she won't do. But my Dad, my dumb, fucking dad, oh God, how could he be so stupid? She's married for chrissakes! And she's Julie -the woman who stabbed him in the back. It's not like they had some great sweeping romance or anything. She got her ass pregnant to trap him. But look what she's doing now." She made a face. "Can you believe it? Ugh. It's just plain retarded."  
  
He shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, I wish I knew what to say."  
  
"Whatever." She looked him up and down and as if only just noticing, said, "Why are you still sitting here? The waitress is already bringing your eggs. Get back to your seat."   
  
As Seth sat down, he looked at her and saw that the veil was being put back on -they were getting back to business as usual.  
  
"So Summer called you," she stated just after he put a forkful of food in his mouth.  
  
"I --" was all he could manage. His eggs tasted funny.  
  
"I… I, what? I know that's why you didn't return my calls."  
  
"No…" he started to deny it then thought better of it. "How do you know?"  
  
"She's my best friend, remember? She tells me everything." She pinched off a piece of her muffin and placing it on her tongue.  
  
"Oh," he whispered. He felt himself getting warmer. "Did you tell her about us?" he asked. His voice had already gone up a pitch or two.   
  
"Of course."  
  
Shit. That was the one thing he wanted to prevent. If he and Summer had any chance, any chance at all, there was no way she could find out about them. Sleeping with your girlfriend's best friend wasn't the easiest way to win back her heart. He suddenly felt very depressed. Once again, Seth Cohen had fucked up. "I see."  
  
"There's nothing much to see."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He looked like he'd just had the wind kicked out of him that she couldn't stop herself from putting him out of his misery. She was surprised that she even cared enough about him to no want to see him hurt. "She knows we hang out. That's about it."  
  
He perked up a little - maybe there was a little hope after all. "You didn't tell her about us?"  
  
"What's there to tell? We're just friends, right?"  
  
"Right. But…"  
  
"But, nothing. Besides what would be the point in telling her anything else? How will that help anything? You'll always be in love with her. Right?"  
  
"Right." He tried to look at her but he couldn't. He was scared of what he'd see in those eyes. He hadn't realized that he'd been that transparent, that she'd known it all along.   
  
"So you're meeting her tonight?" She asked cheerfully. Seth knew that was supposed to signal to him that she was okay with everything but he wasn't sure that he could believe her. She had insisted that their relationship was merely physical but that hadn't stopped him from connecting with her on an emotional level. And he wished he could be reassured that he hadn't hurt her.   
  
"Yeah, she wants to go to the new French restaurant on 2nd street," he mumbled, looking for a reaction.  
  
"Cool," she said approvingly. " Sounds like fun."


	5. 5

I own nothing.  
  
A/N: Thanks for following the story. It was just an idea of mine and I'm glad that some people are enjoying it.  
  
This is going to be a six-parter.   
  
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"Stupid ass!" Summer screamed. Danny Williams had just missed a three-point shot and the Harbor High supporters didn't appreciate it much. In his almost four years of high school, it was only his second time of being in that room, outside of gym class. The first time had been when he'd gone to pick up the book he'd left on a bench the previous day and then, it was just an empty room with hardwood floors. But today, it had girls in skimpy outfits and pompoms and boys who think chasing after a ball is a good way to spend an evening. It was amazing how the human mind worked -tell a bunch of kids that there's glory in winning a $5 copper statue and watch them devote every waking hour to trying to attain the said honor. It wasn't exactly a secret that he didn't care much for organized sports but Summer had wanted to come and he'd yet to figure out a way to refuse her. At least, not since she'd taken him back.  
  
Marissa watched the jock --with his head bent and shoulders slumped-- walk to his coach as another time-out had just been called. Danny and her had barely spoken since their one week relationship in 5th grade and for the first time in a long time, she wondered how he was doing. Lately, she'd been doing a lot of wondering. Wondering and thinking.   
  
Soon after Christina was born, Ryan started calling. A lot. Their one minute conversations extended into three hour discussions on topics as varied as theology and artificial intelligence. Who would have known that Ryan considered himself a reluctant agnostic? She'd been initially ecstatic that he'd started opening up and didn't feel the need to hide his feelings from her but as time passed, she questioned it. She noted that as the pregnancy progressed and the prospect of being a father became more real, Ryan slipped away from her. But ever since he did, in fact, become a father, and the DNA test did prove that he was, indeed, the father, he'd been different. Marissa wondered if he'd decided to be with her now because he missed her or his guilt was simply guiding his actions. After all, he must have realized what the devastation fathering a child outside their relationship had caused her.

Summer smiled at Seth as she put her hand over his and held on affectionately. It amazed him how just a few months earlier, that gesture would have sent electricity surging through his very core, but right then, all he felt was gratitude. He'd done wrong and she had forgiven him. She was the girl he loved; the girl he'd loved all his life; the girl he'd known he'd love all his life; the only girl he could love, the only girl he was allowed to love for as long as he lived and probably thereafter. When she bent her head and a tuft of hair skimmed her face, Seth couldn't help but notice how incredibly beautiful she was. At one point, he'd never thought that there could be anybody more desirable but lately, he'd chided himself for entertaining the thought.   
  
Marissa's mouth felt dry. "I'm going to get something to drink," she announced.  
  
Ryan softly touched her hand and said, "No, let me."  
  
She smiled but shook her head. Even though she was thirsty and needed another cup of ice cold water, she also needed to get away for a minute, or maybe a while, just so that she could be alone and clear her head. They'd always had their little outings, the four of them, hanging out and being together but it just seemed different on this day. It could have been because it had been some time since they'd gotten together like this, but deep down, she knew that it was because they were no longer those teens who'd spent afternoons laughing together in the Spring of '04. Pregnancy, divorce, break-ups and make-ups had interfered in their lives and Marissa wasn't sure she liked the changes they had brought about. And then there was Seth.  
  
Seth watched Marissa and Ryan whisper to one another as the game resumed. Truth be known, neither of them wanted to be at the game either but they'd come to support him – in honor of his relationship. When Ryan had told him he and Marissa were getting back together, he'd been a little surprised. Even though his mind remained filled with thoughts of Summer, he'd thought that she'd been different -that she'd moved on. She had never explicitly said it, but she'd stopped talking about Ryan and the wistful look in her eyes no longer appeared the rare time she mentioned his name. Plus Seth hated that he'd been robbed of the opportunity to decide on a way to feel if he ever saw them together.  
  
"Just fucking," she'd said to herself over and over again. It was the ideology she'd held on to every night she'd spent with Seth and at some point, she'd begun to believe it. And kept on believing till the night Ryan kissed her. It was on a Saturday and they'd spent the afternoon together, with him explaining he wasn't in love with Theresa but will always love her because she was the mother of his child and apologizing for the way he'd treated her. Maybe if she'd seen something other than guilt in those bright blue eyes of his, she'd have fallen in love all over again. But she couldn't, not when she knew that he only wanted to get back with her because he wanted to ease the pain he felt from betraying their relationship. And when he expertly kissed her with those lips she'd spent sleepless nights fantasizing about, all she wanted was to run fingers through, and grab, thick, black, curly hair.   
  
The other spectators didn't appreciate that she was blocking their view, even momentarily, but she needed to get out of there. Pretending to be a couple with a boy she wasn't sure she ever loved, the boy she suspected never really knew her, was making her sick. But seeing the only boy who she'd ever been herself with, the boy she'd not always been afraid to open up to, fawn over her best friend, was even worse. As she walked to the concession stand, she wished she hadn't made that promise to not touch anything alcoholic for three months.  
  
"Aren't you glad we came?" Summer asked, leaning in to Seth and putting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah," he said, smiling weakly. Could she really be that clueless? He'd only really known Marissa for a few months but he was certain she'd have picked up on his mood. He didn't want to date her – they weren't meant for one another, but it was a shame that Summer wasn't a bit more like her. He kicked himself for having such thoughts – it wasn't fair to either girl. It just meant that he'd have to work even harder to make their relationship work; that he'd just have to work harder to remember what it was about her that solidified their love.   
  
"The line must be long," Summer commented after Marissa didn't return for a while. "She should have let you get that drink for her," she said, lightly patting Ryan on the knee. "By the time she returns, we'll already be in the fourth quarter."  
  
Her theory might have been right if Seth hadn't noticed that a couple of people who'd left after she did had long since returned.  
  
"Nothing would happen down there, right?" Ryan asked.  
  
He shook his head. "Not with Vice Principal Walker on the warpath. Anyway," he said, shaking his half-full cup, "I need to get a refill. Anyone want anything?"


	6. 6

Seth walked down the narrow hallway, wondering what was keeping Marissa, when he almost walked into Phil Malone - or at least, that's what Summer called him. She'd said that even though he was cool and fun for a while, 'he was no Seth Cohen.' He didn't know how to feel about that. Should he be flattered or insulted? After all, he could bet that it didn't take intimate dates in dark corners of a restaurant to figure out that a tall, gym rat called Phil Malone 'was no Seth Cohen.'  
  
Just before he could take a right towards the concession stand, he saw a tall willowy figure at the other end of the entrance. It was a little dark but her silhouette had become distinct to him and he could see that she was holding a cup and what looked like a hotdog.  
  
She started speed-walking when she heard his voice. She'd been standing at that spot for over fifteen minutes trying to decide on what to do. Should she go back to the gym and keep up the charade or should she just free herself and walk away? Going back there would mean hugging and kissing a boy she no longer knew, the same one who was dating a different version of herself. It would also mean watching her best friend experience the kind of love she'd most recently been thinking about. She didn't want Seth Cohen - how retarded would that be? But it wouldn't hurt to be with someone who was a little less like the Ryan she thought she wanted.

But when she heard her name, she panicked. How was she going to explain her long absence? And how was she going to prevent herself from blurting out the wrong thing and just confusing everything and everyone? She didn't want that kind of responsibility, so she ran.  
  
He didn't even know why he chased after her. He thought it was a complete waste of energy chasing after someone who didn't want to be caught and he only broke that rule when it concerned Summer because, well, she was the exception to every rule. But there he was, running after Marissa who it seemed, had decided that she didn't want to see him. He didn't know what he was going to say to her or even if he'd make her tell him why she was running from him, but all he knew at that moment was that he wanted to catch her.   
  
She would have kept running if her cup didn't slip from her hand, smashing on the floor and spilling its contents on the dark tile. If she didn't have a conscience, she'd have left it and not cared if a thousand people slipped and fell. But she couldn't - she already had more than enough things to worry about and she didn't want to spend the next few months wondering if every person in crutches was a victim of her selfishness.   
  
"Marissa, where are you going to?" Seth said, crouching next to her and touching her shoulders.  
  
"Nowhere as you can see. I need to clean this up."  
  
Seth stood up and looked down at her. "Wait here so that you can make sure nobody slips. I'm going to get a mop."  
  
As Seth mopped the floor, Marissa watching him, wondering if she'd have any responses for him when he asked her where she'd been going to. As they walked back from the janitor's closet, Seth said, "I think we've missed most of the game but I think there's enough time to see the last quarter."  
  
"I guess so," she replied, staring ahead of her, not looking at him.  
  
Just as they were about to enter the gym, Marissa stopped abruptly. "Seth, I can't go in there," she whispered.  
  
"What?" He took her hand. "Of course you can." He noticed that her face was white but didn't want to pry. It wasn't his place - Summer was his to worry about, while she was Ryan's. He refused to give in to his worry and just wanted her to follow him to the gym so that things could get back to normal and everything could make sense again.   
  
She shook her head vigorously. "No, I can't. I can't go back in there."  
  
"Why not?" She was trembling like someone desperate for a hit of heroine, crystal meth or something equally as nasty so, he moved closer and caressed the side of her arm. She was wearing a sleeveless top and his palm on her skin brought back those feelings that he'd forced himself to suppress; the sensations he'd never had the right to experience. He took his hand away and put it in his pocket. She didn't respond, so he repeated his question.  
  
"Can't you see? It's different now. You, me, Ryan, Summer... we are all different now. So why are trying to pretend like we are not?" she eventually replied.  
  
"What do you mean we are different? Underneath it all, we are still the same. Ryan's a father now, but we can work through it. Summer dated someone else for a while... and you and me…"  
  
"We haven't changed at all because just as we agreed, we didn't do anything," she interrupted, her eyes brimming with tears.   
  
Seth reached for her face and wiped the moisture off her right cheek. Yes, they didn't even have the right to claim to have changed. Ryan couldn't help becoming a father and Summer couldn't help being hurt by his own selfishness. And what he and Marissa were pretending to not have done was inexcusable. It didn't matter how they felt because it never happened. And the sooner they remembered that, the better. In the world they lived in, Seth was meant for Summer and Ryan for Marissa - there was no contesting that, even if they wanted to.   
  
"You and Summer... is everything going well?" Marissa asked, hoping to somehow read his body language. He nodded, not giving anything away. Not that she needed any more proof because with the way they acted around one another, she could already tell that they had become a different couple and she didn't understand why he felt the need to hold on so fiercely. She suspected that it had something to do with his identity, that he was so used to being the guy who loved Summer and that he was too afraid to be someone else. And Marissa felt a little sad for him -it must suck being trapped by one's feelings.   
  
Each was lost in their own thoughts till they were interrupted by screaming high school kids. Seth stretched his hand out to her, "Ready to come in?"  
  
She sighed then shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "I can't be with Ryan anymore," she said aloud even though it was mainly for her own benefit - she'd finally been able to say the words. She'd known that it'll come to this but she'd been stalling, hoping that she could convince herself of otherwise. As she came to terms with the fate of her relationship, she felt the stinging tears fall freely from her eyes. She knew she shouldn't be crying in front of him, but she couldn't help it. It was the end of her chapter with Ryan and she needed to physically let go of him.  
  
All Seth needed was to comfort her. He didn't know why she'd come to that decision or even what it meant - he just wanted her to stop crying. As he held her, he realized that it was probably the last time he'd ever do that, so, he let himself drink in the smells of shampoo and body lotion, the unique mixture of citrus and cocoa butter that he'd come to love. And as she sobbed into his shoulder, he found himself lifting her face up till her was staring into her sad eyes. Love was a very human desire and at that moment, she was mourning a great love and just to give her hope, he placed his lips on hers and gently kissed her. But he was startled to discover that it was nothing like he remembered. It wasn't a hot, passionate kiss that led to sex, instead, it was a new type of kiss - a soft, warm exchange that managed to express the things they were too frightened to say.  
  
As he walked back to Summer, his cup still half-full, he wondered if he'd ever experience that kind of kiss again.   
  
**The End.**  
  
--  
  
A/N: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. This was the story I had in my head when I wrote the one-shot so I decided to stick with the ending I'd imagined. I hope you are not too disappointed.

**Alexis**, I'm glad you enjoyed this story. As to your question, it's open to interpretation. I don't want to spoil it with my opinion - it all depends on what you think. :-)


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